Poor Impulse Control

Do You Don’t You Want

Tata — Thu, 23 Feb 2012 19:56:39 +0000

Every day brings news we don’t expect to hear, like that modern goat herders -

may be less lonely than they used to be.

In other news, goats look like they might be excellent playmates and I want them. Want! I would like to dress them up like the cast of Mad Men and walk them on leashes to the drug store in the center of town. What could go wrong?

In And Around And Through

Tata — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 19:01:40 +0000

Siobhan reminds me our old friend named his daughter Paisley.

Pattern found here.

Tata: That’s ridiculous. His wife named that child.
Siobhan: No. He named the baby Paisley and his wife did nothing to stop him.
Tata: You know I like surprises, yet I was surprised to think, Why do we hear of so few delivery room stabbings?

Water Some People Walk On Broken Glass

Tata — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 03:20:23 +0000

Some people hunt critters. I seek the elusive diamond top coat at 20% with a $2.00 manufacturer's coupon.

As Far Beyond As I Can See

Tata — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 02:54:29 +0000

Both Siobhan and Mr. DBK have had traumatic life events in the past few days. It’s hard to know what to say beyond, “What can I pour you?”

Drive home first, kids, then drink.

Watching the Wheels

Tata — Sat, 18 Feb 2012 21:32:15 +0000

The laptop is a paper weight, so posting might be interesting for a few days. Rumor has it other, normal people can post from their phones, but it takes me a year to type a sentence on my phone. This morning, I couldn’t get the thing to show me locations and hours for the store I was proposing to empty into my trunk, so I had to simply show up with legal tender and hope for the best. Generally speaking, hopeful is not an excellent way to enter into transactions.

Today, I gathered up my coupons and went on my annual pilgrimage to Harmon Discount Beauty Supplies, where I think we can agree I buy a lot of beauty. I say without shame I spent hours there, reading labels and choosing exactly what products I wanted to try out, what old favorites I’d stick by and discerning what the spring nail polish collections were doing, color-wise. Pete was working at the bagel shop, which saved him from what would certainly have amounted to blackout-inducing tedium, but probably wouldn’t have protected him from the almost seismic shock to my checking account. When I described it to him later, Pete said, “It’s your money. You can spend it how you like. Or bail out Greece.” Yes, I watched it add up, add up and add up while thinking about those coupons lying on the counter between me and the cashier like a lottery ticket. The grand total should have been alarming, but then she started scanning the coupons, a little doubtful at first that the register would accept them. After a few $5 coupons went through, she said, “I’m just going to scan them until it tells me to stop.” Her plan sounded great to me and when she was done, the register recalculated the total from the beginning and off came just about $56. If my husband finds that yard-long register tape, he might pass out anyway and I am not exaggerating even a tiny, tiny bit.

Can’t Be Silent ‘Cause They Might Be

Tata — Sat, 18 Feb 2012 03:20:15 +0000

Beautiful Drusy tests her glamorous felted bed for softness.

Just over a week ago, a friend recommended the handmade pet beds of Boxcar Kids and I ordered two, which I expected some time next week. They arrived today and they are posh and colorful and completely gorgeous. Sweetpea regarded the beds with dainty suspicion, while Topaz watched from a respectful distance. Drusy took a flying leap at the fluffy green one, then rolled through the shimmering pink, yellow and blue bed.

Sweetpea cannot believe her smelly good fortune.

The Boxcar Kids story is harrowing, but the upshot is you can buy beautiful, handmade crafts that will make your life cooler and your pets’ lives happier, while improving the lives of real people. Everyone wins. These festive pet beds will make lovely gifts for your pert animal friends and their delightful humans, too. For what occasion? you ask. Mardi Gras is coming up, but so’s Easter, Passover, Arbor Day, any old full moon, the equinox, Earth Day, birthdays, dinner parties, not to mention parent-teacher conferences and Meatless Mondays.

Save your pennies. You’re going to want six.

It Goes Like This

Tata — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 12:01:37 +0000

Yes. I was distracted. Why do you ask?

Yesterday was my birthday. It’s a new year for you and me!

Search the Clouds For A Star To Guide Us

Tata — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 15:41:06 +0000

Representative Steve King (R-Magical Thinking) either doesn’t believe contraception prevents conception or will say any goddamn thing a man in a dress tells him:

“The objection that the Catholic Church and I have to the morning after pill,” King told MSNBC’s Martin Bashir, “is because it ends the life of an unborn baby.”

[...] BASHIR: As you know, sir, the contraceptive pill doesn’t abort a pregnancy. It prevents a pregnancy from happening. That’s not what I’m talking about…

KING: Well, I really don’t concede that. And that’s not either the Catholic Church’s position.

It doesn’t matter what his position is nor what position the Catholic Church takes; neither has any bearing on what the morning after pill actually does, including the secondary effect of getting these bastards out of our bedrooms.

He’s entitled to his delusions; we are entitled to discuss them and what they mean to our lives. Please pass his words on in the hope that they will follow him all his douchebag days.

Days Were Different When You Counted Them

Tata — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 19:52:09 +0000

Aunt Florence.

Florence Holway, one of my mother’s aunts, died a week ago. In the spring, there’ll be a funeral. I expect I’ll have more to say after that.

Point To the Fact That Time Is

Tata — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 01:50:33 +0000

Spring curtains: the curtaining.

Every great superhero spends time in the shadows. Every mythic hero lives underground and in the dark before the sun shines on his face. Flying Spaghetti Monster, I am tired of hearing sports announcers say shined. It is important to remember that in life we face few problems billions of people have not faced before us, some of them were fearless grammarians and the word is goddamn shone.