NEW JERSEY (AP) – Local woman Tata LongItalianName had nothing to say Monday night in what friends, relatives and acquaintances declared was a near miracle.
“Holy crap! Pour some adult beverages and put an APB out on missing bass players!” exclaimed Siobhan Pseudonym, a long-time “associate” of Ms. LongItalianName. “Those bass players didn’t just get up and walk away!”
“My sister Domenica? Has nothing to say? Was she conscious?” asked Daria MarriedSomeDude. “Was she eating – because sometimes that’s the only way to tell.”
Ms. LongItalianName touched up paint in the attic, worked on website construction and scratched her three cats for two hours Monday night without uttering a word. Those who’ve known her longest expressed surprise.
“She what?” asked Kim LongItalianName, Tata’s mother. “Hallelujah!”
Ms. Pseudonym hurried to assure the public there was no cause for concern. “She can’t help herself. She’ll be complaining again by breakfasttime.”