Fucking Blogger! This happens every New Year’s, when Siobhan heads for a more sympathetic jurisdiction. Last year, Blogger and PIC’s host quit talking to each other over a family recipe dispute, I guess. I mean, who knows? But when the pie hit the buffet table, the cinnamon flew and sticky fingerprints still dot the blog, which is stuck. Last night, Pete and I stayed up late into the night, talking with with my seasonally distressed stepmommy Darla, and this morning, nobody slept. It was a hard, restless night; so naturally, today the family again celebrated Christmas. Rejoice! I’m exhausted and Jewish but damn it, there’s chateaubriand!
If there’s anything amusing about New Year’s it’s the phone calls.
Siobhan: GUESS WHERE I AM!
Siobhan: DAD CAME OFF THE VENTILATOR TODAY AND SAID I SHOULD GO TO THE PARTY. I’VE BEEN DRINKING SINCE 5:30!
Tata: That’s great news! You should hang up and I’ll leave a message with instructions for how to hide a body and elude capture. Which you will need tomorrow.
Siobhan: THANKS! I CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON YOU! HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Tata: Have your lawyer call me at home – just like last time. Happy New Year!
The phone – jeez, the phone! Daria’s house is 15 miles west of mine. We should have walkie talkies.
Tata: A light snow is falling here so I called to hear about your frozen monsoon.
Tyler: It’s sunny here. At least I think it is. Do you want to speak to your sister?
Tata: Nah. The storm is coming from the north so it’s going to blizzard where you are any minute now.
Tata: Yup. Tell her to call me back in ten minutes so I can mock her high-heeled snow shoes.
I may need one of those head sets that usually tells me someone’s a colossal dick.
Daria: Darla’s coming in tonight. I’m standing in a liquor store. She wants a box of wine.
Tata: Get the pink stuff. She likes it and it goes with your downstairs bathroom.
Skywriting? Bat signal?
Daria: Todd called an hour ago. He and Bette went to the Hentons’ for New Year’s. He said they invited Todd and Bette for spaghetti and meatballs. I said, “Spaghetti and meatballs? That’s not New Year’s food.”
Tata: That’s Tuesday food.
Daria: I mean, what’s that? Spaghetti and meatballs. Last night, we had sushi and three kinds of fondue. It’s a party. You might eat spaghetti and meatballs on New Year’s Day to nurse your hangover maybe.
Tata: Yeah, but only if the meatballs are quiet.