Sing It Sing It Sing It

I love this with my whole black heart.

Visually, the business of great awkwardness tipping over into solid cool underscores every great story you’ve ever heard and is put to good use here. Watch the drummers and consider the metronome. Also: what the dancers are doing is wildly unlikely at that tempo. Awesome.

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A Pseudonym To Fool Him

Dum dee dum dum hangin’ around with my brain la lala laaa – wutzis, Einsteinio?

New Jerseyites Hate New Solar Panels, Brand Them “Hideous”

Ahhhhh shit.

Residents of New Jersey, a state well known for its elegant aesthetic sense, are unhappy with the solar panels installed on electrical poles in leafy residential neighborhoods by the state’s largest utility company. In suburban Bergen County, locals call the panels “ugly,” “hideous,” and an “eyesore,” in addition to protesting their installation with complaints and (possibly) vandalism, according to the New York Times.

Zis post linkies to an article. I’d give you a boost over the paywall, but I dislike muddy footprints on my manicured fingertips. Yes, I read that article. No, you don’t need to read it. It’s every stupid, venal thing about loudmouthed, entitled New Jersey douchebags you expect to find in one place and track suits, because apparently reporters from one of the most important newspapers on the planet no longer ask simple questions like, “So the poles and lines: attractive or really, really attractive?”

New Jersey has a robust alternative energy plan that aims to secure 23 percent of its electricity from renewable sources within ten years–an ambitious goal that’ll be all the more difficult to achieve if suburbanites protest the installation of solar panels on their streets. At the moment, there are talks in some towns about the efficiency of the current setup compared with how much the residents are annoyed by them-some say the panels interfere with emergency call boxes, or that spreading out the panels in this way somehow impedes efficiency (that part’s not true, according to solar experts). But it looks like New Jersey’s solar plans aren’t in any serious danger: The resistance is only in certain small pockets of the state, and the utility owns the electric poles anyway, so there’s not much those angry suburbanites can do. Maybe they’d prefer some ivy-shaped panels instead?

Zazazazaza in other words les douchebags with les flappylips will lose la soleil, but the rest of us won’t wallow. Oui oui oui!

Right On Walking On Down the Line

On one hand, the World Chocolate Championships are on useless and lost Planet Green tonight.

On the other, what the fuck is this?

Shhhhh! We'we hunting wabbits.

According to Gardeners.com, this thing is called a Zero Waste Food Digester, which is not a composter. Specs:

  • Low-density polyethylene
  • Above-ground portion is 23″ in diameter x 34″ H; basket is 15″ in diameter and 18″ H
  • Installation requires digging a hole large enough for the basket to be underground
  • A small amount of residue will eventually accumulate in the basket, requiring cleaning every few years
  • Okay, polyethylene tube, basket in a hole. Not a composter?

    Zero-Waste Digester Handles What Composters Can’t
    Unlike a composter, a food digester lets you dispose of all of your kitchen scraps, including dairy, meat and fish scraps, bones and bread. Rather than producing compost for your garden, its purpose is to reduce household waste. Materials collect in a perforated underground basket, where earthworms and other soil organisms break them down into carbon dioxide, water and just a small amount of solid residue. Works best in a sunny spot with well-drained soil. May be used for disposal of pet waste, too.

    Excellent. I have wasteful pets. But wait: there’s more!

  • Dispose of all of your kitchen scraps, including dairy, meat and bones
  • Reduce household waste in landfills
  • Instructions for the Zero-Waster Food Digester
  • Not a lot of new information there, but still: if all it takes to dispose of most of your organic kitchen goop and pet poop is a 3′ x 2′ plastic tube and a 1′ x 1′ basket WHY DO WE HAVE A GODDAMN GARBAGE PROBLEM? Why do we have dumps full of carrot ends? Why did I throw chicken bones into a frigging Hefty bag after dinner tonight? Why doesn’t every house with a yard in America have a homemade version of this – since forever?

    I DON’T KNOW.

    I have GOT to stop shouting about trash.

    Your Friends Subway Kid Rejoice

    Siobhan’s housemate broke up with her live-in boyfriend on Friday afternoon and had a date with someone else that night. While I am impressed with her scheduling prowess and determined carpe-ing of a Friday p.m., I am somewhat dismayed that the housemate’s sudden braising in new juices caused Siobhan to lose sleep when the live-in boyfriend moved out in an after-midnight sense that coincided with a before-breakfast sensibility. This caused me to think about how miserable a housemate I might have been during the decade or so I burned a swath across the local social scene. Ah, well. It’s so inconvenient for Me to have to think about other people! But while I’m at it, let’s both think about this person, Michigan State Senator Bruce Caswell:

    Yes. That's his real face.

    You can’t always look at a face and see its wearer’s dysfunction, but sometimes the face opens its mouth and tells you all about it. What, mouth, what?

    “I never had anything new,” Caswell says. “I got all the hand-me-downs. And my dad, he did a lot of shopping at the Salvation Army, and his comment was – and quite frankly it’s true – once you’re out of the store and you walk down the street, nobody knows where you bought your clothes.”

    Bruce, that must’ve been terrible for you. I’m sure the indignity of wearing secondhand clothing as a child and worrying about what other people thought made you a compassionate adult with nothing but love in your heart for disadvantaged children.

    Foster children in Michigan would use their state-funded clothing allowance only in thrift stores under a plan suggested by State Senator Bruce Caswell.

    If I quit sleeping nights for ten more years I would never even hallucinate anything that diabolical, let alone suggest it as a plan to save the state money.

    Caswell says the gift card idea wouldn’t save the state any money.

    Ah. Well. I’m sorry I have to think of Bruce Caswell at all, and since I do, I think Bruce Caswell is a genuinely bad person.