Last night, lovely Topaz was cuddled up, all meow-meow lap cat cute and eye-blinky adorable when Sweetpea took a flying leap from a nearby window sill, which startled my dulcet darling. Topaz ran straight up me and used my face as a launching pad for her airborne escape. What felt like a cartoon KA-POW! right to the kisser was a kitty claw dug into my lip. Screaming would’ve been too much and OW! wasn’t enough. I spent the rest of the evening with an ice pack on my face as my upper lip doubled in size and I couldn’t even be mad about it. That’s frustrating.
At the time, we were watching PBS’s Finding Your Roots with Henry Louis Gates, Jr., which is like sugary deep-fried crack for me. I cannot get enough of this show. Last night, we watched the episode with Cory Booker and John Lewis. Please find it. See it. This will break your heart and should be required viewing for every seventeen year old in America.
Today, my lip’s a little swollen but my ego is cut down to size. That’s fine by me.
Last night, I took off all my jewelry ahead of today’s MRI. No, I did not use bolt cutters. Yes, I feel weirdly naked. On the bright side, I’m probably less explosive.
My first mistake was making an appointment to discuss cognitive function and memory loss. My second was to show up on time.
Tata: I have to ask a delicate question.
Receptionist: Why are we whispering?
Tata: Because I have to ask a delicate question. I had a 2:30 appointment with the clinician. A little while ago, he appeared in the doorway and a creepy guy sitting near me got up and followed him. It’s now 2:50 and if the creepy guy was not seeing the clinician, where did they both go? Is it possible the clinician double-booked his appointments?
Receptionist: I…I will go find out for you what happened.
The look of horror on her face told me a few things I didn’t expect to hear. She got up and disappeared down a hallway and a minute later the clinician appeared through the leaves of a potted plant near me. He said something astounding.
Young Doctor: Can you stay for a 3:15?
Tata: Absolutely not.
Young Doctor: You can’t? We’re very busy.
Tata: No. You can call me in the morning at my work number, if you think we should reschedule.
Young Doctor: I’m seeing people every fifteen minutes to accommodate everyone.
Tata: Nathan, we are not off to a good start.
My knitting and I flounced off in a huff. A few hours later, Nathan called on my cell phone. It was not morning and I was not at work. This time, I was prepared to torment him properly.
Tata: Nathan, if you make an appointment with me, you should be ready to see me at that time.
Nathan: I’m very sorry.
Tata: If we can’t agree on that, there’s no sense agreeing on anything else.
Nathan: You’re right, you’re right. I’m very sorry. Sometimes technology gets away from me.
Tata: Nathan, I burned a vacation day to see you.
Nathan: You did? That makes it worse.
I did not say, “Pumpkin, I had 50 of them and my department head has lectures me about dragging my ass outside and vacationing like I mean it.” What, are you kidding? I’m training this kid to take his patients seriously.
Tata: Fine, what sort of time commitment are we talking about for this appointment?
Nathan: The first one is a brief interview, then there are two three-hour tests. We should probably spread those out. The first one we can do by phone.
Tata: That sounds great, since I can recline and eat bonbons. At which, I am great.
Nathan: I get out of clinic at 8:30 p.m. on Wednesday. Is that a bad time to speak?
Tata: That is an excellent time to talk on the phone since I am guaranteed to have discouraged everyone else from talking to me on the phone after dinner. Unless someone’s dead. That better be the reason someone calls me at night.
Nathan: Let’s call it 8:45, then.
Tata: Wednesday, 8:45 it is. Now there’s just one last thing about this cognitive testing you’ll have to know.
Nathan: What’s that?
Tata: You’re going to have to forgive me if I forget to answer the phone.