Your soap opera is written by morons and acted by amateurs and if you miss a day you hate that you love those morons and amateurs. Someone else’s soap opera looks like the community theater version of Camille. How can he/she watch that crap? It’s crap!

The other day, I was flipping the channels, but not really paying attention. I didn’t really know what was on. A blonde girl standing at a hospital desk said something odd to a gorgeous woman about my age, “Mom, can you help me with my knitting?” You’re having the same reaction I did: NO ONE ON A SOAP OPERA KNITS.* KISS MY BUTT! The gorgeous woman apologized, “Sorry, kitten, I’m not domestic goddess.” After a moment, she added, “I can tune an engine.” So now I love Crystal Chappell, and some badass writer on a show I’ll never watch.

*Except Kassie DiPaiva, who had a whole PBS show called Knit & Crochet Today.