I joke, I kid, but I’m allergic to Planet Earth. Every few years, the planet springs a new combination of allergens on me and my respiratory system goes haywire. I don’t worry about it much unless poison ivy is involved because on me one little blister turns me into one giant blister, which is not a great look for me. So I worry about that, usually in August and September.

At the moment, the calendar says March, I’m inexplicably covered with fetching hives and gulping Benadryl geltabs. This causes me to take sudden naps. So while it is impossible to match a lipstick to an itchy rash when it’s over I’ll be well-rested.