Mama Just Don’t Understand

It's just a small pile, but these asparagus and those green onions grew in our garden and I love the little guys. Later, I'll hold them like puppets and act out La Boheme.

It’s just a small pile, but these asparagus and those green onions grew in our garden and I love the little guys. Later, I’ll hold them like puppets and act out La Boheme.

Your Alibis Your Telling-Me-Whys

Today, I had a fender bender I didn’t realize I’d had until someone else broke the news. Didn’t hurt my car a bit, but I scraped a bit of someone else’s paint. Thus, I am somewhat bummed.

Raised bed from which you can practically hear seed potatoes howling with laughter.

Raised bed from which you can practically hear seed potatoes howling with laughter.

In related news: last time a crowd looked at me like that, I left that backwater hellhole and never looked back.

Couldn’t Say What I Wanted To Say

Miss Sasha posted a peculiar-looking recipe on Facebook, then got in her car and drove to either Mars or Kendall Park, but definitely one of those. Anyway, while she was traveling incognito, I lost track of the post and the recipe, so I did a little poking around on the Intertubes and learned a few things.

Tata: Everyone is talking about avocado and cocoa mousse. Have you tried this? I made some up yesterday. I would eat it. Pete would grease axels with it, but wouldn’t touch it on a cracker.

Snake: I looked at Giada’s recipe just now and I’m with Pete. Ugh. Doesn’t look very moussie at all, it looks gloppy. Mousse properly done should taste like chocolate air. But that involves separating eggs or using light cream that has been whipped like a british sailor.

Tata: You are quite right: it does not taste like chocolate air. It tastes like the food equivalent of sex up against a wall with a stranger you met outside a bar after closing time. It is full of What did I just do? Nobody on the Food Network is going to mention that. You will know why they’re sweating.

Snake: Ok. Sex with strangers you just met means I will give it a try. I will probably have to call it something besides mousse. My vocabulary can take it though.

Tata: Call it Brenda and try not to think about the cellophane. I am not saying you’ll like it, but it’s just weird enough try just because.

I surveyed a bunch of recipes and decided to start here because she reminds me of chatty Miss Sasha and has two different color eyes, a sure sign of a double helping of crazy. This writer is a vegan, which means mousse without eggs or cream. Her ideas were interesting, especially regarding variations.

Here’s one from Sheryl Crow, whom we love. Here we have a cook who licks food processors clean. Here we have a recipe writer with a few sticky keys.

I started with two ripe avocados and mashed ’em up, then added agave, cocoa powder, ground ginger and cayenne and a pinch of salt and whipped the whole thing until the texture was uniform. I tasted and added a bit more agave and cocoa powder. An hour later, Pete and I tasted it together and he made a face like I’d tossed his Hot Wheels collection into the Home Smelting Pit, now with extra smelt! I didn’t push and forgot about the mousse for two days. When I stuck a spoon into it today, the mousse tasted like the dirtiest, smuttiest, spiciest, naughtiest, adults-only dark chocolate ganache ever. You should make this and have some sexy sex, alone or with a sexy sex friend. Or a stranger. Next time, I might add cinnamon.

About A Dog That Licked Two Bones

Last week, I was able to clip my own toenails for the first time in months. Suddenly, I had confidence that any day soon, I might be able to reach all ten toenails with the nail polish remover and that day was today. The wintery pale blue applied a scant few weeks after surgery came off and I clipped sharp corners off my nails. Then I applied a springy yellow-green, like the earliest buds, and sat still until the polish dried, after which I did a bit of shaping. It’s not launching my first satellite, but being able to take care of myself again beats the alternative all to hell.

Yes. Right now, my Docs are empty.

Yes. Right now, my Docs are empty.

Related: if your dude comes home and finds you polishing your toenails with a color he does not love, remind him that he won’t care when he’s wearing your thighs like ear muffs.