Dear Prince Charming,

That shoe thing was a real blast, especially the part where my sisters cut off their toes to shove them into my stilettos. Thank God we’ve got Lysol, huh? Now, I’m sorry to send you a note via carrier pigeon from the other end of the castle but it’s going to take me all day to walk over there and I couldn’t wait to tell you: this is no way to conduct a torrid affair. Criminy! I may be the ginchiest girl in the land, complete with talking mice and a fairy godmother waving magic sticks around like Jackie Chan on steroids, but that’s all the magic stick waving we’re doing around here. We haven’t tried melding our record collections. Charming, we haven’t even shared a bathroom or divvied up underwear drawers, so how can we say this ever after is so happily? I want some empirical proof, and you are going to give it to me, in person. Got that? Now, peel off your tights and and think of pumpkins.


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