The election’s finally over and various forms of everyday evil were forced out into daylight. Perfectly sane people have danced like they wore the Red Shoes – and no, I don’t mean the Ruby Slippers. I have waited patiently for you to calm yourselves, get a good night’s sleep and return to what’s truly important to you: making Me happy. Yesterday’s madcap romp through the Constitution proved that our legislators give us the gift of Pocket Change Joy; today we learn legislators had better hop to re-gifting Habeas Corpus.
Section 9. The migration or importation of such persons as any of the states now existing shall think proper to admit, shall not be prohibited by the Congress prior to the year one thousand eight hundred and eight, but a tax or duty may be imposed on such importation, not exceeding ten dollars for each person.
The privilege of the writ of habeas corpus shall not be suspended, unless when in cases of rebellion or invasion the public safety may require it.
No bill of attainder or ex post facto Law shall be passed.
No capitation, or other direct, tax shall be laid, unless in proportion to the census or enumeration herein before directed to be taken.
No tax or duty shall be laid on articles exported from any state.
No preference shall be given by any regulation of commerce or revenue to the ports of one state over those of another: nor shall vessels bound to, or from, one state, be obliged to enter, clear or pay duties in another.
No money shall be drawn from the treasury, but in consequence of appropriations made by law; and a regular statement and account of receipts and expenditures of all public money shall be published from time to time.
No title of nobility shall be granted by the United States: and no person holding any office of profit or trust under them, shall, without the consent of the Congress, accept of any present, emolument, office, or title, of any kind whatever, from any king, prince, or foreign state.
This morning, the temperature was warm and lovely. The sun shone. Puddles lay everywhere in my path to work. Getting to work without a second ablution required a great deal of concentration, and so I was walking down College Avenue, thinking my own thoughts. Thinking, thinking, thinking. I looked up and standing across the street was a random marching band where there’d never been one before. I did what anyone would do under the circumstances. I screamed.
Two hours later, Gianna walked through the office.
Tata: You will be pleased to note that this morning I did not hallucinate a marching band.
Gianna: I’m pleased. What?
Tata: I was walking down College Avenue and there it was!
Gianna: What did you do?
Tata: Wished for a can of Raid. Those don’t come out easily!
Gianna: Why were they assembling at the crack of dawn for a game that’s after supper?
Tata: If my hallucinations answer me, am I supposed to listen?
Gianna: Tonight’s game is supposed to be the biggest thing the university’s ever had, recognition-wise, and it’s football.
Gianna: I mean: didn’t Waxman win the Nobel Prize?