Tonight, Sharkey and I are going to see Jack Klugman and we’re bringing a phone book, in case he would like to sit in a chair and read it to us. A few years ago, we saw John Astin do a one-man Edgar Allen Poe showcase and we mewed like contented kittens. Good thing we’re both secure in our manhood.
Section 3. New states may be admitted by the Congress into this union; but no new states shall be formed or erected within the jurisdiction of any other state; nor any state be formed by the junction of two or more states, or parts of states, without the consent of the legislatures of the states concerned as well as of the Congress.
The Congress shall have power to dispose of and make all needful rules and regulations respecting the territory or other property belonging to the United States; and nothing in this Constitution shall be so construed as to prejudice any claims of the United States, or of any particular state.
Section 4. The United States shall guarantee to every state in this union a republican form of government, and shall protect each of them against invasion; and on application of the legislature, or of the executive (when the legislature cannot be convened) against domestic violence.
Last week, I heard three stories that took my breath away. I’m still looking for a way to describe these utterly outlandish occurrences without, you know, inspiring people who know where I live to show up wielding lead pipes, but at least one I might get away with since Daria gets lost easily, especially when she’s pissed. I never underestimate her propensity for hilarious violence. I once saw her throw her crutches down a long flight of stairs and hobble after a smartass girl to kick that poor girl’s ass. And though I did have lie down to laugh hard enough, that girl never said Boo! to Daria again.
The Congress, whenever two thirds of both houses shall deem it necessary, shall propose amendments to this Constitution, or, on the application of the legislatures of two thirds of the several states, shall call a convention for proposing amendments, which, in either case, shall be valid to all intents and purposes, as part of this Constitution, when ratified by the legislatures of three fourths of the several states, or by conventions in three fourths thereof, as the one or the other mode of ratification may be proposed by the Congress; provided that no amendment which may be made prior to the year one thousand eight hundred and eight shall in any manner affect the first and fourth clauses in the ninth section of the first article; and that no state, without its consent, shall be deprived of its equal suffrage in the Senate.
I dunno. That article is kind of like telling your children to redecorate the guest bathroom and any old colors will be okay. You’re in for trouble, my friend!
All debts contracted and engagements entered into, before the adoption of this Constitution, shall be as valid against the United States under this Constitution, as under the Confederation.
This Constitution, and the laws of the United States which shall be made in pursuance thereof; and all treaties made, or which shall be made, under the authority of the United States, shall be the supreme law of the land; and the judges in every state shall be bound thereby, anything in the Constitution or laws of any State to the contrary notwithstanding.
The Senators and Representatives before mentioned, and the members of the several state legislatures, and all executive and judicial officers, both of the United States and of the several states, shall be bound by oath or affirmation, to support this Constitution; but no religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office or public trust under the United States.
Yeah yeah, we’ll have the United States home by 11:30 and no, we will not at all have played Strip Twister with a gallon jug of Crisco on the beach. What’s that last thing, though? No religious test? I’m glad to hear that. And how long was the United States supposed to stay in that prom dress anyhow?
The ratification of the conventions of nine states, shall be sufficient for the establishment of this Constitution between the states so ratifying the same.
I hate to say it, but if you’ve been hanging out here since 30 September, you’ve read the Constitution.