Drawn To Those Ones That Ain’t

That’s my baby:

Miss Sasha: Mommy! Hang on a sec –
Tata: Why are you breathless? What’s going on?
Miss Sasha: We’re at the Petrified Forest. Mr. Sasha is watching the Park Ranger and –
Tata: What did you say?
Miss Sasha: Is he gone? One more minute?
Tata: Sweetheart, what are you doing?
Miss Sasha: When the Park Ranger disappears, I’m going over the fence. I have to touch the forest.
Tata: I LOVE WHEN YOU INCLUDE ME IN YOUR CRIME SPREES!
Miss Sasha: I need both hands. Call you in a minute!
Tata: Unless you’re under arrest! Love you, Miss Sasha!
Miss Sasha: Love you, Mommy!

Timing is crucial. For instance, the Ramones’ motto was that if you couldn’t say it in three minutes you should shut up, so I hummed Sheena Is A Punk Rocker and before I got to hmm hmm hmming a punk punk, a punk rocker, the phone rang.

Miss Sasha: The wood feels like spongy rocks. It’s really strange.
Tata: Where is the Petrified Forest?
Miss Sasha: I think we’re in New Mexico.
Tata: Oooooh, that’s great, because Johnny’s in Santa Fe, though I know better than to wire your godfather your bail money. If you get arrested in Arizona, you’re on your own, precious! And you’re far too pretty for prison.
Miss Sasha: My husband just said that!
Tata: Well, isn’t he just the adorable co-defendant!
Miss Sasha: Gotta go. Must make a clean get away! Love you, Mommy!
Tata: Love you, Miss Sasha!

I thought that’d be the end of vamping on these themes but no, it was just the musical interlude. The phone rang again.

Miss Sasha: Mommy! We got to the parking lot and there’s pieces of petrified wood all over the place so I didn’t need to jump the fence after all. I’m so embarrassed.
Tata: Don’t worry, sweetheart! You impressed me terribly! Now, tell me again about your travel plans.
Miss Sasha: We’re going to the Grand Canyon now and we’ll be in Vegas by 3.
Tata: Sweetheart, there’s a rule. You must spend more time than it takes to sing Stairway To Heaven at the Grand Canyon. It’s not just grand, it’s fucking huge.
Miss Sasha: We’ll look at the hole in the ground! I promise!
Tata: Okay, then what?
Miss Sasha: Then we visit Uncle Todd. The next day, we go to Vandenberg.
Tata: I’m writing this down in case I have to describe it to Meredith Vieira on the Today Show.
Miss Sasha: You mean Geraldo Rivera. You’re such a bitch sometimes!
Tata: Love you, baby!
Miss Sasha: Love you, Mommy!

She called one more time to tell me how much I’d love the Grand Canyon.

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