Siobhan and I embarked Saturday on a pilgrimage to Macy’s one day bra sale. Bra shopping is depressing, exhausting and never occurs without incident. This incident was special, I think: we ascended on an escalator to the floor where lingerie waited, if lingerie can be said to wait. Honest, I was minding my own business. There before us stood a man wearing jeans, a jacket and a t-shirt with the words partially obscured. Immediately furious, then doubtful, then furious again, I pursed my lips and pushed past him and his pasty clan.
Siobhan: I can’t believe it! You’re offened by that guy’s shirt!
Tata: I was, but now I’m not sure.
Siobhan: You’re offended because that guy’s shirt said FUCK, admit it!
Tata: I was offended because I thought that guy’s shirt said, USE BIRTH CONTROL? GO FUCK YOURSELF!, but then I wondered if the jacket concealed other words, and the shirt actually said, NOT USING BIRTH CONTROL? GO FUCK YOURSELF! I mean, if I’m being invited to go fuck myself I’d like to know why but I’m not going to get into it with him before I purchase two bras and get two bras free.
Siobhan: No, no. I’ve seen that shirt before. It says, USE BIRTH CONTROL? GO FUCK YOURSELF!
Tata: What is that asshole’s actual message?
Siobhan: His message is that you should go fuck yourself.
Tata: Sure, but why? I mean, is he saying he’s not gloving up for anything? Is he saying he has a moral issue with preventing unwanted pregnancy? Because his shirt is designed to provoke a response and he’s wearing it where children can see it. Even meek mommies have a problem with that.
Siobhan: No, no. His actual message is that you should go fuck yourself.
Tata: Me in particular? How’d he know I’d be here?
Siobhan: Magic 8 Ball.
When this scene was described to him later, Pete asked good questions.
Pete: Was he alone? Was he with a woman?
Tata: He was.
Pete: Did she have her front teeth?
I allowed as I didn’t know because to get even a little tangled in this scenario would involve Constitutional issues I didn’t want to discuss with the local constabulary in Ladies Lingerie. But hey, I appreciate his honesty in wearing that out in public because I could see what kind of misogynist douchebag he was, and that discussion would prove fruitless. I wondered briefly what other ideologically revealing t-shirts he possessed. Then we bought bras.