This morning, I awoke to the penetrating stare of Ceiling Cat. I considered renouncing Eeeeeeevil, but we all have our limits. I renounced Eeeeeeevil before witnesses at my nephew Sandro’s baptism and waited for lightning to strike; that didn’t go well. Today, I said, “Topaz, sweetheart, please come here and try not to smite anything on your way down.” It’s never unreasonable to fear locusts, frogs and murain. And speaking of plagues:
To Whom It Concerns:
This morning, the show was introduced including Ann Coulter. I immediately turned off my television. If her form of hate speech is good for your ratings, I pity the audience you’re not pandering to; in any case, Coulter’s free speech is not at issue. I simply will not subject myself to her rabble-rousing vitriol.
Her fans are vocal. I’m sure you receive piles of misspelled thank-you notes whenever you include her in what passes now for political discourse. Know that I will turn off my television wherever I see her. Maybe I’m alone and maybe I’m not. Maybe reasonable people find more factual news sources when you book this irrational entertainer.
Thank you for your time and attention to this matter.
Feel free to crib it, change a few words and get a B+ on your term paper. Being small and covered with fur, I sometimes get flustered and can’t find the words to say what I need to about a complex issue. This even occasionally keeps me from writing to my Congressmen, who by now ought to have me in their Five. I call and stutter if I have to, but I’m not going to shut up. Anyhoo, this was simple: if I see Ann Coulter’s face or hear her voice, I’m either changing the channel or shutting off the TV. The people who thought I’d find her bullshit exciting should know they shouldn’t expect my tacit approval for broadcasting it.
Next time Coulter turns up, I’ll smite a few advertisers.