Voca Teria Que Ser Un Genio

1. I Am An Idiot

Topaz disappeared one night about ten days after we moved into this house. We were a little nervous. In the middle of the night, a cat meowed loudly. Drusy often meows in the middle of the night. I called Drusy over and over. She usually jumps on my chest, keeeesses me and that’s that, but not that night. Around 4:30 a.m., Pete mumbled, “What’s wrong with her?” I said I didn’t know but I’d call the vet. At 6:05, the alarm rang. I got up, opened the bathroom door and found Topaz crocheting an escape ladder out of toilet paper. “Moron!” she hissed as she ran past me, stopped suddenly and licked her paw. I promised her when she called I’d come running. And I’d mop the floor.

2. I Am A Genius

I forget Drusy follows me everywhere and I whirl through the house like a dervish. Two days after our mutual sleepless night, I heard a cat meowing urgently. At first, I thought, ‘Oy, I’m working here’ but then I remembered: I promised. At the top of the stairs, I found Topaz facing a closed door. “It’s about time, duh!” she meowed. Under the door, I saw a shadow. Drusy! Topaz led me to poor Drusy, shut into one of the rooms! I opened the door, scritched the distressed pussycat and ran to tell Pete, who was not at all surprised. “Topaz is all ‘C’mere, c’mere, Drusy’s stuck down the well,’ but let Topaz need help and Drusy’s like, ‘Who?'”

3. I Am An Idiot

Topaz is an escape artist. When we were at the apartment, if the door opened, Topaz was off like a shot: out the door and into the hallway, sometimes up the stairs, so before we moved over here, Pete screened off the back porch. Don’t get excited. A little lumber, some screen, a few screws, a latch and – bingo! – a temporary Cat Containment Facility. Topaz sits at the kitchen door and mews, “Mama, I want to go out and play, Mama.” If the latch is latched, I let her out onto the porch, where there are millions of new things to sniff. Yesterday, I let her out and forgot she was out there. Finally, I heard a bit of plaintive mewing. As I walked toward the kitchen, I could see Topaz about halfway up the screen storm door, and I have no idea how long she was hanging there, hissing, “Moron! Oh…moron!”

4. I Am A – Oh, Forget It…

Get a load of this shit:

It’s election time and your vote counts! So get into the spirit of 1776 with 15 fun and classic songs that celebrate everything that makes our country great in SCHOOLHOUSE ROCK! THE ELECTION COLLECTION! Plus, keep track of the actual voting results in all 50 states with the exclusive Election Tracking Kit with stickers and experience the new to DVD song “Presidential Minute” – with two surprise endings! A generation of young Americans learned that American history and government could be fun with the award-winning animated series SCHOOLHOUSE ROCK. Now a whole new generation of patriots can be inspired by memorable songs that explain how our government is set up in “I’m Just A Bill” and “Three-Ring Government”, how the electoral process works in “I’m Gonna Send Your Vote To College”, and more! Your house – and the White House – are gonna rock this year!

Rock the White House? The only thing we’re gonna rock this year is the poor house.

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