That Funny Feeling Has Me

Topaz, perturbed by air conditioner-related water damage.

Last night, Pete and I registered for a motorcycle safety course. A friend told me about it over a decade ago. Took me awhile to get to it, so sue me. Anyway, Pete’s confirmation email arrived in a hot New York minute but mine didn’t. First thing this morning, I called the safety course people and left a message. Shortly thereafter, a very nice young woman called.

Tata: His confirmation arrived, but mine didn’t.
Lady: Sometimes they take time.
Tata: This morning, I still don’t have it. I may pout.
Lady: It’s probably in your spam folder.
Tata: Nope. I have another address. Could I persuade you to send it there?
Lady: Will do.

The confirmation arrived, in all its glory, but two hours later, the nice young woman, who is a pistol by the way, called back.

Lady: In the medical section, where the form asks if you have any medical conditions, you wrote I AM A MIDDLE AGED WOMAN. That’s not really an answer.
Tata: The question is “Do you have any medical conditions that would prohibit you from participating in a fast-paced physical program?” And I am a middle aged woman. I will do nothing quickly.
Lady: It does say that, doesn’t it?
Tata: Yup.
Lady: What it means is do you have vision impairment, a heart condition, balance problems, anything like that?
Tata: Nope, but we’ve established that I’m a middle aged woman, and middle aged women have arthritis. I can’t stand for very long, and sometimes walk with a cane.
Lady: …You sometimes walk with a cane… Can you ride a bike?
Tata: Oh yes. I commute to work on a bicycle and ride a lot for fun.
Lady: Okay, then we’re in business. You can’t stand. Can you pace?
Tata: Sure. And watusi, but I’d be happy to bring a lawn chair.
Lady: Believe it or not, that’d be hazardous, but if you can pace through a 3-5 minute demonstration, we’re a go.
Tata: Excellent. Will you be calling me again when you notice I heard about your program from a Magic 8 Ball?

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