Mercury is in retrograde and even if I did not believe in it, I am living that dream. My laptop turned its back on me, my bicycle clangs, my phone rings and people try talking to me. It is Hell. I want to hide out in my garden but we have carpenter bees and the sentry is trying to kick my ass.

Today would have been my dad’s 75th birthday. You may recall that he died some years back and has been refusing to phone home since. It’s very inconvenient. I’m sure if there’s an afterlife, he’s annoyed and demanding a taller, stickier croque en bouche.

I know I would.