Back Here To Repeat Until You Learn, Learn, Learn

Dick Cheney is truly the Source of All Evil. By now, everyone’s read about this:

If you don’t get punished, you didn’t go anything wrong, right?

That’s the message Vice President Dick Cheney gave in an interview with CBS’ Bob Schieffer on Sunday, suggesting that a president’s actions are legal if those actions didn’t result in his impeachment.

Asked by Schieffer if he believed that anything the president does in time of war is legal, Cheney said there is “historic precedent of taking action that you wouldn’t take in peacetime.”

Cheney referenced Abraham Lincoln as an example of another president who “suspended the writ of habeus corpus” during a war, prompting this exchange:

SCHIEFFER: But nobody thinks that was legal.

CHENEY: Well, no. It certainly was in the sense he wasn’t impeached. And it was a wartime measure that he took that I think history says today, yeah, that was probably a good thing to do.

Right now everyone who’s ever spent time with a four-year-old is seeing stars, because this sounds like nothing so much as –

Mommy: Who broke this lamp?
Finster: Not me.
Mommy: There’s no one else here and the dog has gone to Heaven.
Finster: Why?
Mommy: What?
Finster: Why?
Mommy: The dog has gone to Heaven because his little heart gave out. And you need a spanking.
Finster: Why?
Mommy: Because otherwise you won’t learn to tell the truth.
Finster: Why?
Mommy: So I can spank you sooner, obviously.
Finster: Can I have a cookie?
Mommy: After my nervous breakdown, sure.

Mr. Lincoln may or may not have done the right thing when he did what he did but he didn’t “[suspend] the writ of habeas corpus” he suspended the writ of habeas corpus. There’s no equivocating about it. We can’t spin it. It happened. And to play semantic games about the violence Cheney and his ilk have done to the Constitution, this country and the world is to make ourselves complicit. Mr. Schieffer’s relatively passive acceptance of these vile assertions makes him part of the problem, whether he believes it or not.

Day after day, week after week, for the last eight years, I have heard story after story of monstrous, unimaginable atrocity from this administration. Every single day I heard a story I would not have believed even the day before. While the incoming administration gives me every reason to think the outrageous bullshit will be curtailed, House and Senate Republicans show no sign of stopping theirs. In addition, we have every reason to believe that as time passes, we are going to hear the backstories of the crimes these soulless fucks perpetrated and for which they will probably never be prosecuted. I try not to wish ill on anyone, but in Cheney’s case, nothing would give me greater joy than to see him in chains at the International Court in the Hague.

The Rude Pundit makes an important point.

Let’s face it: back in 2000, most of us were pussies. We knew, fucking knew, that the presidential election was being stolen as we watched. And we didn’t riot – we didn’t explode into the streets in a flare of anger and righteousness and shut shit down, demanding that the Supreme Court and the Republican Party back the fuck off. We didn’t head to Miami to block the right wing thugs who were stopping the recount at the canvassing board. We didn’t go on a general strike to say, “Count the votes.”

And Al Gore fucked it up, too. He didn’t tell us to do it. He didn’t lead a movement. He could have said that, at the end of the day, democracy fails when you say that voting is just an exercise, not a right that people were killed for. Instead, we behaved like end of the millenium Americans, going about our business, thinking, in the long run, it wouldn’t matter, anyways. (And to any conservative wad of fuck that thinks we need to get over 2000, look at your granny’s retirement account.)

Jump to 2004, and second verse, mostly the same with slight variations: the Johns, Kerry and Edwards, promise to count all the votes, yet, when Ohio is a clusterfuck of irregularities that’d make Boss Tweed go, “What the fuck?” and walk away, they throw in the towel for the good of the nation or some such shit, when, all they did was consign us to our own degradation for the next four plus years (’cause Obama’s inauguration ain’t gonna make it all shiny and good for a long time).

Yep, I hate thinking about how powerless I have felt every day for the last eight years. It’s all bad. I remember sitting in someone’s kitchen after the invasions, feeling like shit about bombs falling on the heads of human beings, and having someone at the table ask, “Are we safe to talk here?” Because it was dangerous in the fucking United States of America to say, “Bombs shouldn’t fall on the heads of human beings, no matter who they are – or in this case, were.” While we can attribute the bullshit hysteria to bedwetters who felt violated by 9/11, the public discourse was poisoned, and it wasn’t until Olbermann started shooting off his mouth on television that people felt they could fight back and not get a visit from the FBI. He may be an atrocious sexist ass, but he behaved creditably.

But what about me? Did I do enough? Did I say enough? Did I write enough letters and blog posts? Did I call my Congresspersons often enough? I doubt it. I doubt many of us will think so in the days to come. Bombs are falling on the heads of human beings again. Still.

How about a cookie?

You Pour Yourself Over Me Like the Sun

La la la going along la la doing stuff la la la – what the hell?

“I’m shaking my head at the irony of Joy of Cooking frozen food products.”
—Lisa Fain

Christ on a Triscuit, what’s this mess, then?

Evidently, you can use the Joy of Cooking to learn, like, joyful cooking, or you can skip the joy and the cooking, and yet you will eat. It’s genius, really. I wish I’d thought of it myself and called them up, “Hello? It’s Ta. No, we’ve never met. Yes, I’ve got your book. No, it’s a couple of editions back. Yes, I’ve got this great idea. It’s so great it’s almost diabolical. You know how you teach people to cook? Right, right. You can also teach them they can’t by selling them frozen foods they can’t duplicate at home without a degree in chemistry. Well, you never? I should kiss your what – ?”

Tenderly She Talks On the Phone

Commercials tell us a lot about what people are not talking about, too.  These ladies, for instance.

The commercials allude to what They say. You know Them, They talk a lot. Shitty of Them, doncha think, and who are They, anyhow?

According to a commentary in the April 2004 issue of the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, between 1970 and 1990, the consumption of HFCS increased over 1,000 percent.

“HFCS now represents more than 40 percent of caloric sweeteners added to foods and beverages and is the sole caloric sweetener in soft drinks in the United States,” write George A. Bray, Samara Joy Nielsen and Barry M. Popkin, the authors of the commentary.

Well, that is shitty. What else?

Fructose requires a different metabolic pathway than other carbohydrates because it basically skips glycolysis (normal carbohydrate metabolism). Because of this, fructose is an unregulated source of “acetyl CoA,” or the starting material for fatty acid synthesis. This, coupled with unstimulated leptin levels, is like opening the flood gates of fat deposition.

So They say high fructose corn syrup is in everything and constitutes a 8.0 earthquake halfway up the Hoover Dam? Fair enough. Can we get another source?

Our experts weigh in: “A number of recent studies … have convinced me that HFCS does not affect weight gain,” says Barry Popkin of the University of North Carolina, who was an early proponent of the HFCS-obesity hypothesis. “At the same time, there is a new body of research that suggested HFCS might be linked with higher triglyceride levels and other health effects. This research is too preliminary to make any conclusion.”

Adds Dr. Julie Lumeng of the University of Michigan: “By exposing children to more sweet foods … you may be inducing a long-term preference for sweets that leads to excessive caloric consumption.”

Okay then. They haven’t made up their minds, but we’ve fattened up societally. When we sit around the house, we sit around the house. Back at the picnic in the commercial, where one mommy says to another mommy, “You don’t care what the kids eat, huh?” Though them’s fightin’ words, there’s this bon mot:

The Food and Drug Administration stated, referring to a process commonly used by the corn refining industry, that it “would not object to the use of the term ‘natural’ on a product containing the HFCS produced by [that] manufacturing process….”

Geraldine A. June, Supervisor
Product Evaluation and Labeling Team
Center for Food Safety and Applied Nutrition
(Letter to Corn Refiners Association, July 3, 2008)

Folks, radon is natural but you don’t want it in your pantry, either. The Corn Refiners get other love letters, but the all seem kind of desperate and fragmented.

“To pretend that a product sweetened with sugar is healthier than a product sweetened by high-fructose corn syrup is totally misguided,”

Michael Jacobson, Ph.D., Executive Director, Center for Science in Public Interest
(Associated Press, September 10, 2008)

Is it possible that neither one is good for you? I mean, does it matter if Ho Hos are sugary or corn syrupy? It’s just possible it doesn’t. But not everything sweetened with anything rots your teeth, adds to your waistline or sends you into sugar shock. Last week, I bought a package of Thomas’ Hearty Grains English Muffins because they’re quite tasty and something’s got to sit between my plate and melting cream cheese. I didn’t look closely at the package because I rely on things to be the same as they were the week before for, you know, ever. Anyway, I read packages at home when I’m avoiding doing something else like going to work, and this package says: “Now with no high fructose corn syrup.”

Yes, that’s what They say: It’s in everything, including products that don’t need it.

They should probably say that a little louder.

That’s Like Hypnotizing Chickens

Man oh Manischewitz, tomorrow I go back to work. It’s too soon. I’d like to hibernate and return to my desk at the unnamed university in April, though even bears check their voicemail in March. I don’t know. It’s hard for me to feel motivated to increase the Gross National Product without hand sanitizer, but go back I will. At the moment, a little black cat snores beside me and another claws the house’s architectural details. I will miss this tranquility as I do battle with the Parking Department, law unto itself and bane of everyone’s existence. Still, it’ll be fun to don my armor and wind up the trebuchet again. After all, those cows don’t lob themselves over castle walls!

Like You Were the Only Man

Fucking Blogger! This happens every New Year’s, when Siobhan heads for a more sympathetic jurisdiction. Last year, Blogger and PIC’s host quit talking to each other over a family recipe dispute, I guess. I mean, who knows? But when the pie hit the buffet table, the cinnamon flew and sticky fingerprints still dot the blog, which is stuck. Last night, Pete and I stayed up late into the night, talking with with my seasonally distressed stepmommy Darla, and this morning, nobody slept. It was a hard, restless night; so naturally, today the family again celebrated Christmas. Rejoice! I’m exhausted and Jewish but damn it, there’s chateaubriand!

Out With An Honest Tongue Now

If there’s anything amusing about New Year’s it’s the phone calls.

Siobhan: GUESS WHERE I AM!
Tata: Saskatoon?
Siobhan: DAD CAME OFF THE VENTILATOR TODAY AND SAID I SHOULD GO TO THE PARTY. I’VE BEEN DRINKING SINCE 5:30!
Tata: That’s great news! You should hang up and I’ll leave a message with instructions for how to hide a body and elude capture. Which you will need tomorrow.
Siobhan: THANKS! I CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON YOU! HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Tata: Have your lawyer call me at home – just like last time. Happy New Year!

The phone – jeez, the phone! Daria’s house is 15 miles west of mine. We should have walkie talkies.

Tata: A light snow is falling here so I called to hear about your frozen monsoon.
Tyler: It’s sunny here. At least I think it is. Do you want to speak to your sister?
Tata: Nah. The storm is coming from the north so it’s going to blizzard where you are any minute now.
Tyler: Really?
Tata: Yup. Tell her to call me back in ten minutes so I can mock her high-heeled snow shoes.

I may need one of those head sets that usually tells me someone’s a colossal dick.

Daria: Darla’s coming in tonight. I’m standing in a liquor store. She wants a box of wine.
Tata: Get the pink stuff. She likes it and it goes with your downstairs bathroom.

Skywriting? Bat signal?

Daria: Todd called an hour ago. He and Bette went to the Hentons’ for New Year’s. He said they invited Todd and Bette for spaghetti and meatballs. I said, “Spaghetti and meatballs? That’s not New Year’s food.”
Tata: That’s Tuesday food.
Daria: I mean, what’s that? Spaghetti and meatballs. Last night, we had sushi and three kinds of fondue. It’s a party. You might eat spaghetti and meatballs on New Year’s Day to nurse your hangover maybe.
Tata: Yeah, but only if the meatballs are quiet.

If everyone’s this interesting I might quit hanging up randomly.
Sharkey: Hello?
Tata: The number you have dialed is out of order.
Sharkey: I know it’s you. 
Tata: Press 1 for English, press 2 for Pig Latin…

The Evidence Is Strong

Yesterday, Panky turned one.

This is the first time I see Miss Sasha’s face in Panky’s. I have a picture of her as a two-year-old modeling purple pajamas with a face covered in chocolate that looks a lot like this little guy. Maybe if he did a little more food-based comedy I’d have seen resemblance sooner.

A Need For Each Other Anytime

Tonight, Pete and I had dinner with Pete’s friend Angela who lives in Los Angeles and takes care of a blind friend in Allentown. Angela’s so stressed she may snap like a twig underfoot if something doesn’t change. By the time we were finished eating, I said, “Pookie, you are too nice. What you need is a club. When people steal $10,000 from your blind friend, you club them. Bonk! Discipline is crucial at this age.” Still being too nice, Angela said, “You have to understand they’re genuinely stupid. They’re not malicious.” I said, “I don’t have to understand anything about thieving relatives. If they steal again, will you call the cops?” I mention this because one day I was avoiding doing something about something really important when I found this gorgeous image of Russ Tamblyn sailing through the air. See, I remember Russ Tamblyn most vividly as the odd doctor on Twin Peaks, and despite my early fixation on Hollywood musicals, I had forgotten Tamblyn in West Side Story. That brought me up short. Sometimes, you remember how things turned out and not so much where they started.

Her birthday’s coming up. Can you get a club monogrammed?

A Pickup Truck And the Devil’s Eyes

I’ve been thinking a lot about compost. Though the Solstice is behind us the dead of winter lies ahead. Our composter feels very full and I wonder how much decomposition takes place inside the barrel on these cold days. Even so: it’s easy to find other places to put coffee grounds and asparagus stems, so I don’t really worry. Thus, I am thinking now about paper, especially paper that comes through the mail, now that seed catalogs have begun to arrive. I heard a rumor weeks ago that recycling was unprofitable in the current economy but today we see proof.

People are still putting their bins of recyclables out on curbs. But the recyclable materials market, which was booming only a few months ago, has dropped sharply, along with the worldwide economy, creating a backlog of materials at processing plants.

Reduced demand for used paper, plastic bottles, glass, and metal cans has caused prices to plummet, surprising even those who have followed the ups and downs of the recycling market.

“We have seen drastic changes in market values, faster than I’ve seen since I’ve been in industry back to the 1980s,” said Foster, who said the value of recyclables was about 70 percent less on average than two months ago. “A lot of it, you can’t move right now.”

Foster said the recycling plant is still sorting and bundling about 400 tons of paper per day, but it’s more difficult to sell.

Now is the time then to insist on products from recycled materials. I have a game I play now: How Can I Reuse This? Sometimes I win, like when I buy eggs in recycled cardboard containers, then pulverize eggshells and cardboard for compost. Sometimes I lose, like when I buy something in that plastic packaging that might actually prevent me from using what I purchased. You know what I’m talking about. On late night commercials, hucksters hawk gadgets to get you into that plastic packaging, creating an odd circle-of-life that ends with you doubling the stuff in your whatsit drawer. Anyway, if I wash and reuse Ziploc bags once each, I cut my use of bags in half. I’m still adding stuff to the landfill at an impressive rate. So what about all this paper that comes to the house, if recycling is going nowhere? Can I compost it? Some of it, yes.

Shredding and composting documents is a great way to ensure they don’t fall into the wrong hands and it can help soak up excess water if the compost heap is too wet.

Shredding paper that has been used for bedding for small pets such as hamsters is ok to compost too.

Avoid shiny paper or shiny coloured prints though.

It had never occurred to me until today to buy a shredder, mostly because I don’t own much of anything and thought municipal recycling would take care of paper. Now I see that envelopes and notices could be useful in our attempts to fertilize the soil in which we’re growing our vegetables and herbs. Hmm.