I Can’t Feed On the Powerless

On a spring day, a young instigator’s mind turns to registering dissatisfaction with the status quo, and foliage. I started writing letters about this constuction project two years ago. Some months back, I wrote to one of the unnamed university’s urban planners about the time it was taking to finish a relatively simple paving project on Route 27 under Route 18. The urban planner, evidently uncomfortable with the words corruption and visible to any idiot assured me stiffly that the project would be finished in April of 2009. In the meantime, this corridor was closed for a weekend during which about half a day’s work was done, and since October, on few occasions have workers attended the traffic cones, displaced lanes and construction signs. This project is going nowhere fast.

Longtime readers of Poor Impulse Control may recall that my mouth has the power to move mountains, and so it would be effortless to imagine that someone, deep in bowels of the New Jersey Department of Transportation, has heard my piteous mewling and decided to punish commuters on two major roadways, possibly for a year or more. Though I am indeed a special snowflake, let us resist this blizzard scenario. For one thing, because New Jersey is rife with corruption we can all see and for the most part expect. Sometimes, we even benefit from it. If we were to accept that my protests changed the pace at which this project was being completed we would have to attribute to me the power to piss off corrupt officials. That is too much to believe. So this must be some professional-grade incompetence at work. Impressive, isn’t it?

As I’ve also mentioned before, the two buildings in the distance in that last picture were designed by I.M. Pei in what can only have been the most desperate moment of an otherwise interesting career. The building on the left is the Hyatt. No one can afford to stay there except guests of Johnson & Johnson and you see people with little wheelie suitcases crossing Route 27 and tripping bicyclists all the time. It’s like a video game with lacerations and credit card reward points. I took these three pictures walking on the Albany Street Bridge toward New Brunswick, and on this picture I looked over the side. That asphalt is new and those street lights are puzzling. Right now, they light the homeless, who live under the bridge I’m standing on. The street lights are a portent of something we’ve all wondered about: what are they doing with the river front? It doesn’t take a genius to know that when the river rises those lights will be halfway under water, along with the luxury housing on the other side of Route 18. It’s a flood plain.

Last September, I photographed this corridor. It’s changed somewhat. This stretch is so bad for bikers I can’t picture riding to work until it’s fixed. The other side of the road was fixed in a somewhat conventional sense but I still wouldn’t let my worst enemy out on that side of the road.* The best thing on that side of the road is when cars fly off the Route 18 ramp and come to a screeching halt because cars exiting Route 27 have the right of way and really bad attitudes. As a pedestrian, I want to get right in the middle of that.

I do like that my shadow resembles that of a giant squid. I feel underdressed without tentacles.

These spots are very close together, but shadows deceive. Two people my size could not walk side by side on this path and people who meet must negotiate their passing. There’s a second aspect to this: the grade. Under the overpass, water pools. It’s rained off and on for more than a week. Where there’s dirt it’s all mud, and dirt is everywhere. People walk this pushing baby carriages. I hate to think of them crossing paths with the seemingly endless parade of young men cycling to jobs in every kind of weather.

In the center of this picture looking back behind me you can’t see where old pavement was cut and new pavement now sits almost a foot lower because I am a sub-par photographer. When a rain cloud forms, people turn truly stupid on this very spot. They drive right into a pool of pooling water and sit there, waiting for the light on the other side of the bridge to turn green. That light is at least 100 yards away and not visible from this spot. I wonder if this spot was engineered with the blessing of towing companies, or perhaps it’s a municipal fundraiser.

Truly, the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train. This spot is actually getting worse. It’s really hard to negotiate this place between the overpass and the Hyatt without getting muddy. When I attain the traffic light ahead, I know that it’s 100% certain that I’m as muddy as I’m going to get, barring a sudden altercation with corporate landscapers. Which could happen. Possibly. Even though it never has. Anyhow, I compared the images from last September and these and I was actually surprised that anything had changed. There’s still a light that tells pedestrians to go but no light to arrest vehicular traffic, but apparently the Department of Transportation considers a few high-speed maulings the price of doing business.

This project could have been finished easily in a matter of months. Instead, it’s dirty, dangerous and will probably go on for as long as possible. Even the mob would be embarrassed.

*She is still SUCH a BITCH.

I’ll Give You Everything I Have In My Hand

Why bother disguising your racism when you can parade is all over the front page?

“People here are afraid of the police,” said Terry Willis, vice president of the Homer branch of the National Assn. for the Advancement of Colored People. “They harass black people, they stop people for no reason and rough them up without charging them with anything.”

That is how it should be, responded Homer Police Chief Russell Mills, who noted the high rates of gun and drug arrests in the neighborhood.

“If I see three or four young black men walking down the street, I have to stop them and check their names,” said Mills, who is white. “I want them to be afraid every time they see the police that they might get arrested.

“We’re not out there trying to abuse and harass people – we’re trying to protect the law-abiding citizens locked behind their doors in fear.”

This is bullshit cowardice, as everyone knows deep down, and it never, never ends well.

On the last afternoon of his life, Bernard Monroe was hosting a cookout for family and friends in front of his dilapidated home in this small northern Louisiana town.

Throat cancer had left the 73-year-old retired electric utility worker unable to talk, but family members said he clearly was enjoying the commotion of a dozen of his grandchildren and great-grandchildren cavorting in the grassless yard.

Then the Homer police showed up, two white officers whose arrival caused the participants at the black family’s gathering to fall silent.

This is pretty bad. The chief wants black people to be afraid when they see cops. Well, mission accomplished:

Four witnesses said he was sitting outside his home in the late afternoon on Feb. 20 — clutching a large sports-drink bottle — when two police officers pulled up and summoned over his son, Shawn.

Shawn Monroe, who has a long record of arrests and convictions on charges of assault and battery but was not wanted on any warrants, reportedly ran into the house.

One of the officers, who had been on Homer’s police force only a few weeks, chased after him and reappeared moments later in the doorway, the witnesses said.

Meanwhile, the elder Monroe had started walking toward the front door. When he got to the first step on the porch, the witnesses said, the rookie officer opened fire, striking Monroe several times.

“He just shot him through the screen door,” said Denise Nicholson, a family friend who said she was standing a few feet away. “After [Monroe] was on the ground, we kept asking the officer to call an ambulance, but all he did was get on his radio and say, ‘Officer in distress.’ “

The witnesses said the second officer picked up a handgun that Monroe, an avid hunter, always kept in plain sight on the porch for protection. Using a latex glove, the officer grasped the gun by its handle, the witnesses said, and ordered everyone to back away. The next thing they said they saw was the gun next to Monroe’s body.

“I saw him pick up the gun off the porch,” Marcus Frazier said. “I said, ‘What are you doing?’ The cop told me, ‘Shut the hell up, you don’t know what you’re talking about.’ “

Homer police maintain Monroe was holding a loaded gun when he was shot, but would not comment further.

Oh. My. God. These people aren’t even good at being bad. They’re just racist fucks. Fortunately, because they’ve attracted the attention of the Feds.

Now the Louisiana State Police, the FBI and the Justice Department are swarming over this impoverished lumber town of 3,800, drawn by allegations from numerous witnesses that police killed Monroe without justification – and then moved a gun to make it look like he had been holding it.

“We are closely monitoring the events in Homer,” said Donald Washington, the U.S. attorney for the western district of Louisiana. “I understand that a number of allegations are being made that, if true, would be serious enough for us to follow up on very quickly.”

You know where we might apply some stimulus funds? To hiring investigators and prosecutors to protect us from jackbooted thugs of all kinds, but especially from thugs passing for public servants. I can’t wait to watch the judicial system turn the incarceration industry inside out and put bad cops on the inside.

Mean But I’m Changing My Scene

When I moved to Pete’s house, I gave up cable, which had a few PBS stations I truly miss and a whole mess o’ instructional videos I could use whenever I felt like it. The yoga videos were just as good for laughs as for stretching. A very satisfied-looking gentleman smiled a great deal as he conducted class, and I could just hear him as he gazed at his lovely assistant – oh yes, there was gazing – ‘I am a very handsome man, and Suzanne is lissome in unspeakable ways, and we’re going to spend this very afternoon investigating the body dharma here in San Souci. Don’t forget to hold each pose for five breaths.’ I miss that guy.

Pete’s house has the dish, and with it, different channels. The trainwreck I can’t stop watching is called Veria, and it is amazing.

What what what?

It’s supposed to be programming about healthy living but I’ve noticed that such programs tend to omit just as many important words as they include so I end up with piles of questions. Everyone is starch-white and has a weird smile and speaks slowly. It’s that red flag that hints at a cult, but I don’t get how to connect that signal with what I see, which are excruciatingly serious talk shows about herbal work and alternative medicine and some pretty exciting forms of yoga I’ll have to work up to trying. I mean, what the hell’s going on?

When Amanda McQuade-Crawford discusses enemas you must not, under any circumstances, laugh.

The other day, I rowed for 30 minutes during a show about Dr. Bronner, who I thought all these years was a cult figure. Short answer: sort of. What? The same series profiled the man who created homeopathic medicine. He’s got some nitwit followers who should never venture near a microphone again in support of their guru.

Anyway, what made me think of this was Sunday’s (yes, I am rowing a whole lot) show about brewing herbal extracts and fermented Korean health beverages. I almost fell over when the herbalist said the next preparation involved rum. I surmised from surveying the channel that nobody touched a drop of demon rum. Now I wonder if they’re all just drunk.

Well, Maybe Not An Elephant

This has been bothering me for months: SNL’s Fred Armisen as Barack Obama.

Is this blackface? What is it?

In fact, why in 2009 is there one African-American actor in SNL’s cast list?

I’m no credentialed cultural critic. I went to college – drove there five days a week for twenty-three years, in fact – but I don’t have a theory about why this is or isn’t flying, except that the cast keeps growing in size, the women are starting to look very similar and and they keep adding white guys. So what’s happening here? Why am I increasingly uncomfortable with what I see?

This is a very respectful treatment of our President’s character – affectionate, even. But someday it won’t be. Sometime, Mr. Obama will do something the writers don’t like. When this bit goes south, it’ll be a disaster.

Updated to reflect Siobhan might be right about a few things. Like.

No Sense In War But Perfect Sense

What in glamorous tarnation?

The Bush Administration’s Department of Justice announced Monday that they are suing the city of Gary, Indiana for discriminating against white people.

Seven more days…seven more days…

On Monday, the Justice Department announced a lawsuit against the Indiana city, alleging that six EMT technicians appear to have been hired on the basis of race alone in violation of the 1964 Civil Rights Act — which was passed to combat discrimination against African Americans.

The suit alleges that the city told applicants that offers of employment would be based on the order they were ranked. But the city seems to have ignored their own ordering and instead hired several African American applicants who placed lower than the white applicants.

Each of the six who were hired ranked lower than the highest-ranking white applicant, the Justice Department wrote.

“Federal law guarantees equal access to employment opportunities without regard to race,” said Grace Chung Becker, Acting Assistant Attorney General for the Justice Department’s Civil Rights Division, said in a release. “The Department is committed to enforcing all the federal civil rights laws, including Title VII, under its jurisdiction.”

Something about this doesn’t feel quite right, but what is it? What’s missing? What’s…?

Gary’s corporate counsel, Hamilton Carmouche, told a local paper the list was prepared by the city’s previous mayor, and gave preference to applicants who lived in Gary.

“We hire not on the basis of any race, but on the basis of residency,” Carmouche said.

Ah! There it is; logic. You want your EMTs to feel connected to the community. Got it. So, the administration’s doing what, now?

Use of the Civil Rights Act to protect against discrimination against whites is not unprecedented, but it is a novel tactic by the Bush Administration’s lawyers.

Ironically, the Administration hasn’t been a big fan of expanding civil rights law.

Earlier this year, the White House fought efforts to elimination[sic] a statute of limitations measure that prevents employees from suing their employers for hiring discrimination if they don’t file suit with 180 days from the date of the discriminatory activity.

With one week left of this unabashed oligarchy, I can say with a clear conscience I wish we’d elected a lime Jell-O mold to the Presidency in 2000 because even if the squiggly dessert wouldn’t talk about its policies at least it wouldn’t have fucked with the American people like this. And sliced pears.

I assume this kind of racist bullshit will stop Tuesday morning, just before lunchtime, so what was the point? What could possibly have been the point? The point has always been to be a really big dick about everything. As jaw-dropping as every day of the last eight years has been, this final press conference is still shocking. At 7:54 in this video, even now, you will not believe your eyes and ears.

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At least when desserts fail, no one fucking starves.

Shiver I Feel So

Dear Lou Dobbs,

One of these days, because you don’t seem to be stupid, you may realize how much damage you have done to America. On that day, your racism and class issues, which you’ve been playing out in public for a very long time, may finally be clear to you. You’ve been biting the hand that feeds you. I mean that literally. You castigate the people who grow and raise and slaughter and transport and prepare everything you eat, and clean up after you. Are you aware of them? I suppose not. But you are violating a very important little rule: Don’t screw with the people who take care of you. That can’t end well.

It’s time you started looking up the economic ladder for the causes of our current economic armageddon. Only there will you actually see what’s happening, though I doubt you will ever look. If I were you, I’d start overtipping everyone in sight, because it’s completely impossible no one’s spitting in your dinner.

Bon appetit,
Princess Ta

The Knitting the Book And the Broom

Oh, for fuck’s sake.

Please resign, Bush tells political appointees

Historically, you didn’t have to tell political appointees to resign when it was someone else’s turn to make political appointees. But these fuckers are special.

The White House has a message for its political appointees: Go home.

White House chief of Staff Joshua Bolten sent a memo Dec. 1 to all of President Bush’s political appointees asking them to tender their resignation effective Jan. 20 – the day President-Elect Barack Obama is sworn into office.

Just days ago, one of these valiant prayer warriors declared she would not, in fact, vacate her office, though she must’ve gotten Bolten’s memo.

Despite a new administration coming into power, U.S. Attorney Mary Beth Buchanan said she plans to stick around.

“It doesn’t serve justice for all the U.S. attorneys to submit their resignations all at one time,” she said yesterday.

U.S. attorneys serve at the discretion of the president and may be hired and fired at will, although their appointments must be confirmed by the Senate. When a new president is elected, U.S. attorneys of both parties generally tender their resignations.

Instead, the Republican said she plans to continue her work in the Western District of Pennsylvania. More than that, she said she would consider working in the Obama administration. She would not discuss what her future might hold beyond the U.S. attorney’s office.

“I am open to considering further service to the United States,” Ms. Buchanan said.

She’s a toughie. Not to worry, that memo may still come in handy.

Should they not be sure what to write, Bolten gives appointees a sample letter.

“Dear Mr. President,” it reads, “I hereby tender my resignation as (title). I anticipate that my last day of service will be January 20,2009, and I understand that you will act on this offer no later than noon, January 20, 2009.”

“Sincerely, Name and title.”

I see. We’ve found the only person in America who’s never written I QUIT across her boss’ windshield in ketchup. Well, lucky us.

Expecting To Grow Flowers In A Desert

Have you seen this commercial?

YouTuber impossiblefunky:

Early this year Creative Director Tom Koh teamed up with our NY office to launch a fresh new brand spot for Astra Zenecas pharmaceutical product, Symbicort. It being the products first broadcast ad campaign, the expectation was for these spots to not only establish a memorable image for the brand but to set them apart from the competition. Expanding on the existing brand element of the human silhouette, Blind created a world rich with color and dimension to bring the spot to life.

The talking silhouette freaked me out so completely the first time I saw this commercial it took months for me to watch it all the way through. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe it’s not. The image is familiar, yes? I see people like this in dreams, so the ad caused me a kind of instinctive fear response.

Good job, ad men. I am breathless.

You More Than Anything

Yesterday, Jim Cramer appeared on The Today Show, a humbled and beaten man. His appearance was no less striking for what he said, but it’s hard to have sympathy for the man who predicted this would happen, repeatedly called for GM to break the UAW and continues to kowtow to unfettered capitalism.

Last night, within only a few hours of his appearance on The Today Show, Cramer turned up on The Colbert Report, where he refused to blame the current administration for the unfolding economic disaster but says Republicans had a lot to do with it. Don’t worry, he finds plenty of blame to lay at the feet of Bill Clinton. I would have been disappointed if he hadn’t. This bit of fancy footwork is unbelievable. If his career as a guy screaming about Wall Street on TV is over, I’m sure he’ll do very well on Dancing With the Stars.

This morning, poor Jim Cramer again appeared on The Today Show, defending his warning to Americans that they should remove anything they’ll need for the next five years from the stock market. Oddly enough, Americans did not want to see the defeated Mr. Cramer admit defeat, and they attacked him for – well, you’ll see. It is the most pointed example to date of the administration’s successful campaign to numb Americans to fear. Congratulations, Republicans. Congratulations, runaway capitalists. Your oracle of venality gibbers on. This disaster is all yours, and none of it was an accident. Fortunately for you, when told to take cover, people who’ve been conditioned to believe you will take care of them still believe it, and they will stand there believing it as the sky falls.

As for Mr. Cramer –

It is impossible to pity him. He will be fine, once the humiliation of being right, a moral failure and unable to see what he could have done differently wears off. It is plain that he will not suffer the loss of his home – or much else, probably. He won’t see what he contributed to the vast harm bearing down on billions of people. His blindness protects him. I wouldn’t want to be him if it fails.