Right On Walking On Down the Line

On one hand, the World Chocolate Championships are on useless and lost Planet Green tonight.

On the other, what the fuck is this?

Shhhhh! We'we hunting wabbits.

According to Gardeners.com, this thing is called a Zero Waste Food Digester, which is not a composter. Specs:

  • Low-density polyethylene
  • Above-ground portion is 23″ in diameter x 34″ H; basket is 15″ in diameter and 18″ H
  • Installation requires digging a hole large enough for the basket to be underground
  • A small amount of residue will eventually accumulate in the basket, requiring cleaning every few years
  • Okay, polyethylene tube, basket in a hole. Not a composter?

    Zero-Waste Digester Handles What Composters Can’t
    Unlike a composter, a food digester lets you dispose of all of your kitchen scraps, including dairy, meat and fish scraps, bones and bread. Rather than producing compost for your garden, its purpose is to reduce household waste. Materials collect in a perforated underground basket, where earthworms and other soil organisms break them down into carbon dioxide, water and just a small amount of solid residue. Works best in a sunny spot with well-drained soil. May be used for disposal of pet waste, too.

    Excellent. I have wasteful pets. But wait: there’s more!

  • Dispose of all of your kitchen scraps, including dairy, meat and bones
  • Reduce household waste in landfills
  • Instructions for the Zero-Waster Food Digester
  • Not a lot of new information there, but still: if all it takes to dispose of most of your organic kitchen goop and pet poop is a 3′ x 2′ plastic tube and a 1′ x 1′ basket WHY DO WE HAVE A GODDAMN GARBAGE PROBLEM? Why do we have dumps full of carrot ends? Why did I throw chicken bones into a frigging Hefty bag after dinner tonight? Why doesn’t every house with a yard in America have a homemade version of this – since forever?

    I DON’T KNOW.

    I have GOT to stop shouting about trash.

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    7 responses to “Right On Walking On Down the Line

    1. Oh. Em. Gee. If it actually works on pet waste, it’s brilliant. I would pay $199 for this if (a) I knew it worked and (b) they shipped to Canada. Do you know a wealthy, pet-waste-producing guinea pig? (And yes I know that guinea pigs produce pet waste, smartass.)

    2. I could make a cheaper version of this.

      1. Buy large lid for plastic garbage can.
      2. Dig hole in the ground just a little smaller in diameter than the lid.
      3. Throw scraps into hole.
      4. Cover with lid.
      5. Lather, rinse, repeat, as needed.

    3. I didn’t say not to do it. Anyway, you live in Jersey. I remember Jersey. Arthur Kill Shmarthur Kill; it all stinks.

      You’d love Minnesota once you had enough sweaters.

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