As An Apple On Christmas Day

Get a load of this from Bed, Bath & Beyond:

Frigging miracle. I do not lie!

Enjoy pitted cherries anytime with this easy to use cherry pitter. It pits up to four cherries at once, and is reversible to accommodate both small and large cherries. The spring loaded mechanism provides ease of use in one easy motion, and the pits fall into the attached chamber for mess-free pitting and easy disposal, keeping counters clean. Lid locks for compact storage. Measures 7″ L x 2 3/4″ W x 2 1/4″ H. Pitter disassembles and is dishwasher safe.

Perhaps you remember or perhaps you’ve blissfully blotted out the memory of last year’s cherry pitting ordeal. We sat in the backyard for what seemed like weeks, pitting cherries, tossing seeds and sending springs into the stratosphere that reappeared months later on the roof. The single-cherry cherry pitter itself broke in my hand and though the paring knife seemed the best alternative, my hands can’t really handle it. I despaired for my career as a concert pianist. Anyhoo, I shopped for a better device and found this wacky thing at Bed, Bath & Beyond, where it was not at all cheap and I gulped as I paid for two, using 20% off coupons because I am crazy, not stupid and have never taken a piano lesson. We pitted 14 pounds of cherries in less than half an hour and most of that was deciding whose yard we would bless with future cherry trees.

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5 responses to “As An Apple On Christmas Day

  1. It would never, ever have occurred to me that this item was actually useful to someone and not one of those wedding presents that end up being regifted all around the family. You have opened my eyes.

  2. Remember that time our mutual acquaintance declared, “No one NEEDS an electric can opener” and I blurted, “I do, my hands don’t work” and he sat quietly for a whole seven or eight minutes? This thing goes on the My Hands Don’t Work, So: list. Bonus: trés amusant!

  3. I pitted 2 cherries and froze the rest with the pits in them, willing to take the nutty aftertaste over the hand pain. When I defrost those, can I borrow that thing?

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