The Boy For the Last Time

It’s warm for March and people are restless.

Pete plays with my camera. I am filled with ennui!

The Treasury has gone paperless, which means no more savings bonds for children. Customer service representatives must be getting their asses handed to them all day every day because they sound like they tell the same tired story over and over: no more paper, gifts in electronic gift boxes, minors can open accounts when they turn 18.

Tata: And what good is that? It teaches children nothing about saving. There’s nothing to see, nothing to handle, nothing to appreciate. They learn nothing.
Customer Service: We can’t fool you!
Tata: Who do I talk to about this stupid new policy and getting my own way?
Customer Service: The address is –
Tata: Phone number, please! My naive charm and wrath are more impressive when my victims can hear me cackle.
Customer Service: My supervisor is gonna love this –
Tata: I’m putting you on speaker phone so my next door neighbors learn to fear me properly.

By the time I hung up I thought my name was Thankyou Forholding, of the New Brunswick Forholdings. Surely you’ve heard of our lengthy history and many awkward pauses. I mean branches. If you’ve been buying savings bonds for your children or grandchildren, little has to change for you. You can open an account and pop some cash into the thing. Poof! Savings! But I can’t see how this works for my nieces, nephews and cousins, so I expect to spend some time fighting tree surgeons and hanging from odd limbs.

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