A Comedown of Revolving Doors

August showers bring August bowers.

We have sudden storms. Long Island has tornados. The west endures historic drought.

Fate don’t fail me now.

When You Could Stop A Clock

Cutting up t-shirts to make yarn is 100% easier when Drusy, my tiny protector from all things yarn-like, is not helping. Or halping. Because she is not helpful.

Lover of all things impulsive, you should buy my delightful friend Boni Joi’s book Before, During Or After Rainstorms. You will love this book and wish to meet the inimitable Boni, whose life as she lives it is an amazing story in itself.

Red Red Roses Pinks And Posies

Labeling the jars is my least favorite job, but it’s not like you can ask them to travel incognito.

Yesterday, two little boys’ bodies were pulled out of the river by the Albany Street Bridge. I bicycled through paralyzed traffic as the police cordoned off the northbound pedestrian lane and stared over the edge. No one was directing cars one way or another. A police photographer walked deliberately across Route 27 on the bridge. One of the younger cops saw me at the foot of Raritan Avenue trying to trace a path between police vans and did not yell at me. The grim expression on his face told me everything. Well, almost everything, because there were no ambulances. Helicopters circled above us for hours afterward.

I am having a little trouble shaking this off.

Some People Are In Charge Of Bombs

What’s clucking up at the Henhouse?

Fox News Says Gabby Douglas’ Leotard, Other US Olympic Uniforms Not Patriotic Enough

Bless us, a grown man is talking smack about a teenage girl, so it’s got to be about fashion. He must be very butch. So says the assistant principal:

[David] Webb noted that gymnasts “adjust their uniforms within boundaries sometimes,” but he still had an issue with the “anti-American feeling.”

“If you want to be in the Olympics, you’re playing for your country,” said Webb. “The Chinese are wearing red predominantly as that’s their national color, if you will, so why not us with the red, white and blue? There’s a meaning behind the red, white and blue that has been lost.”

Gymnasts sometimes push up their long sleeves and judges sometimes penalize for it. The rules are very strict. Last night, Gabby Douglass was chewing gum in the stands and I was as shocked as if I’d seen her eating actual food.

Has the gold medal. And detention, apparently.

Believe it or not, Webb, who should be arguing about hall passes in the Mr. Blackwell Middle School in Nowhere, Pennsyltucky, is in a state of high dudgeon over little pink leotards. I mulled over the pink uniforms too, but I wondered how the designers got away with it. The elite athlete of questionable patriotic fervor is a teenage girl; in the general population, teenage girls carry pink phones in their pink purses and wear sweats with the word PINK plastered on their tiny teeny butts. Teenage girly-girls wear pink and our women’s gymnastics team is composed entirely of teenage girls whose femininity is seriously and publicly policed by the US Gymnastics Federation and the Olympic authorities. Some committee okayed these uniforms made by the blistered hands of tiny Chinese slave-children. Just kidding. I’m sure they were slave-adults.

Not on the team but still pretty, which counts bigtime in gymnastics.

Also: it never crossed my mind that Alicia Sacramone might have been the intended wearer of the fuschia leotard. No. Not at all. No. She looks great in fuschia.

Assistant Principal Webb again:

‘What’s wrong with showing pride?” Webb asked. “What we’re seeing is this kind of soft anti-American feeling that Americans can’t show our exceptionalism. Frankly, if they are offended about our showing our exceptionalism then they have that right and I don’t care. And neither do most Americans.”

Gymnastics has rules against showing your exceptionalism. Or your cootchy. Don’t do that. It’s a big deduction.

What is this frustrated jerkwad talking about, anyway? Four other girls were dressed the same unpatriotic way. He doesn’t mention them. Maybe he wanted Gabby Douglass to roll a tank down the vaulting runway and end every routine with a military salute? This is stupid and inappropriate and in keeping with Mouthbreather-Americans’ fetishization of all things military and flaggy. Yes, this is an international event, but the point of the Olympics is peaceful competition between nations. That point is lost on a lot of people. So what the fuck is this guy doing in turning one teenage girl’s outfit into a nightmare of thwarted hypernationalism? And doesn’t it sound a lot like what the Henhouse cluckers say about President Obama?

Drinking Heavy Water From A Stone

Daria: We’re leaving for Geneva tomorrow on Sandro’s birthday. Tonight, we’re having his favorite pizza and cake. Tomorrow, there’ll be leftover pizza and cake. He’ll have guilt-cake every day we’re gone.
Tata: So when you get home, he’ll be sullen and fat. And you’re just as bad a mommy as when I left for Ecuador on Miss Sasha’s birthday!
Daria: Hooray! I’m only the World’s Second Worst Mommy since you did it first!
Tata: Hooray! When is your flight?
Daria: We arrive in Geneva on Saturday after two nights in London.
Tata: You’re going to London tomorrow? Are you out of your mind?
Daria: Yeah, Laura said that yesterday. You guys are going to London during the Olympics? We looked at each other and said, Hunh.
Tata: You. Did not know. About the Olympics.
Daria: Yep, that’s what happens when you don’t watch TV.
Tata: If Dad were still alive he’d die laughing.