This post is for my sister Dara. You remember Dara from such blogs as this one. She was born when I was 28. Like many younger members of my family, Dara has trouble with diary products. Since I am literally eating cream cheese on Triscuits as I write, I don’t actually understand that. And I’m thinking about eating an entire wheel of brie in self-defense.

Dara, our sister Daria and our brother Todd and I were talking about yogurt. Some lactose intolerant people can eat dairy yogurt without gastric repercussions, but not all. Dara was interested in non-dairy yogurts, but found they have an off-putting savory flavor. I allowed as how I had a case of coconut milk and scientific curiosity. I twirled my mustache and donned my lab coat.

I started here. This author says a few confusing things about probiotic capsules, so I read a metric boatload of labels in the grocery store. There might be a lot of process difference between capsules, so I chose a brand that appeared to cover all the bases.

At home, I shook a can of coconut milk until my biceps complained.

As the recipe suggested, I mixed until the de-capsuled 2 capsules of probiotics dissolved. It wasn’t a big struggle. They surrendered!

The next step is to loosely cover the bowl and go do your own thing for a day or two, depending on what you want your yogurt to taste like. The more time you give this part of the process, the tangier your yogurt will be, but your options are one day or two days. I set the bowl aside in a warm part of my kitchen and rocked on with my bad self. Just kidding: it was over 90° outside. No one was rocking on.

After a day, the texture was shockingly creamy, but it did have the savory aftertaste Dara mentioned. I let it go another day to determine if additional time would reduce the aftertaste. It did not. I used this yogurt to marinate lamb chops because that savory flavor might prove to be an asset when cooking meat. Dara doesn’t eat much in the way of meat, so I immediately went back to the drawing board.

I cannot overemphasize enough how surprising the texture of this yogurt was. When I started over, I understood that the savory flavor Dara did not enjoy was the flavor of the probiotic. This time, I used one capsule of the probiotic and a can of coconut milk I shook until I was concerned about causing seismic activity. I mixed it up, covered it and set it aside. After 24 hours, I was delighted to find that the texture was exactly as creamy as the first batch. After 48 hours, I mixed it with a vinegary cherry compote and did not find a savory aftertaste distracting. Moreover, the creamy mouthfeel was absolutely brilliant.

In the grocery store, I found products that at eye level looked like they might be non-dairy, like this one:

It’s not.

That’s a good quality product, and the flavor, if you eat dairy, is pleasant, but it’s not for people who can’t tolerate lactose, and I don’t know why I found it in the non-dairy product section.

Anyhoo: I also found other non-dairy yogurt-making processes, some of which mimicked dairy processes with heating, cooling, warm holding periods. That doesn’t make a lot of sense when this method is: mix stuff, wait. The x factor is how much probiotic produces an unpleasant aftertaste balanced with what kind of fruit preparation gives the eater a desirable experience. That’s personal. That part, you’ll have to tell me.